Emotional Intelligence

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If you have not yet read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, do so now, while you are a SFCASA Volunteer. This book is fascinating for all its information about emotions and the brain, but it is even more interesting for its revelations about people from distressed backgrounds who have not learned emotional intelligence in childhood. Does your CASA child seems really bright, but just doesn't do well in school? You might be interested to read about "impaired frontal cortex functioning" that can make emotionally stressed children impulsive, anxious, disruptive and likely to get into trouble "not because their intellect is deficient, but because their control over their emotional life is impaired. The emotional brain, quite separate from those cortical areas tapped by IQ tests, controls rage and compassion alike. These emotional circuits are sculpted by experience throughout childhood--and we leave those experiences utterly to chance at our peril." (pg. 27)

Our CASA kids have been exposed to many kinds of trauma. In addition, many of them were not well-parented in their early months. Goleman points out that "when a parent consistently fails to show any empathy with a particular range of emotion in the child—joy, tears, needing to cuddle—the child begins to avoid expressing, and perhaps feeling, those same emotions. In this way, presumably, entire ranges of emotions can begin to be obliterated from the repertoire for intimate relations, especially if through childhood those feelings continue to be covertly or overtly discouraged." (pg. 101)

Many more of our children experience profound losses that can lead to childhood depression. Others have witnessed domestic violence and responded by becoming hypervigilant and/or anxious. Many have been physically or sexually abused themselves and suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Many have learned patterns of rage, aggression, and bullying from the people around them. All of these childhood events impair Emotional Intelligence.

Goleman reports, from his extensive reading of research in neuroscience and behavior, that "the drift toward crime shows up surprisingly early in these children's lives...The prototypical pathway to violence and criminality starts with children who are aggressive and hard to handle in first and second grade. Typically, from the earliest school years their poor impulse control also contributes to their being poor students, seen as, and seeing themselves as, 'dumb'—a judgment confirmed by their being shunted to special-education classes..."(pg. 236)

If you are feeling discouraged, turn to Goleman's final chapter, "Schooling the Emotions." He describes programs that can be introduced into schools and used in treatment programs. He will convince you that therapy can heal, behavior can be transformed, and emotional literacy can be taught, especially if we identify problem children young and seek out appropriate services early.

As a CASA, you may be in a position to make a difference simply by appreciating that a child that some may be calling "bad" may be more productively described as "emotionally illiterate." Finding good services is still a challenge, but singly and collectively we can advocate for getting our children what they need—an education that teaches them ALL the important skills they need in life, emotional as well as intellectual.

"Much evidence testifies that people who are emotionally adept—who know and manage their own feelings well, and who read and deal effectively with other people's feelings—are at an advantage in any domain of life, whether romance and intimate relationships or picking up the unspoken rules that govern success in organizational politics." (pg. 36)

—Libby Colman, Ph.D.