The Holiday Blues

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The holidays. What a great time of year. At least it is if you have a happy family and know that someone will buy you that perfect gift. Does that sound like what's in store for your CASA kid? Not likely.

What To Expect
Will your child be spending the holidays with family? If so, think carefully about whether he or she has a clear idea of what to expect. Substance abuse and domestic violence are more likely to increase than decrease this time of year. Old patterns may not show up right away on a short visit, but if your child has unrealistic expectations about how things are going to be with the family, be prepared for a reaction afterwards.

If your child has no family or is unable to visit with them over the holidays, this, too, can lead to feelings that are hard to handle. Even if they are in the best possible placement, Christmas can evoke confusing and ambivalent memories. Acting out, going AWOL, and getting depressed are all understandable reactions for children who do not have the Christmas they have hoped for -or who remember many a Christmas spent with rampant substance abuse or violent outbursts of domestic violence.

What To Do
Check with your child's social worker and foster home or group home staff about plans for gifts and activities. Be sure to send a card and, perhaps, a modest present. SFCASA will have free gifts for children donated by the San Francisco Fire Department's Toys for Tots program for you to give to your CASA child. Extra phone calls and an extra visit might be especially appreciated at this time of year.

While your own holiday experience may be positive, for many of these children the less said and done about the holidays the better. Younger children may have great but utterly unrealistic expectations, given their circumstances, that are derived from the media and their school friends as to just what Santa Claus will do for them come Christmas morning. (See "What Not To Do," below.) Older children who have been disappointed year after year may simply wish that the entire season would go away. They know that their most basic expectations probably will not be met, and they are often envious of their "normal" peers. For such a CASA child, it might be best to simply minimize the holiday hoopla and instead focus on the year-round needs of that child.

What Not To Do
Remember, a CASA is not a Santa Claus. You are not expected to buy expensive gifts for your child. If you feel that there is a special need - for a jacket, new shoes, or other essentials - it is better to get them to the child through an anonymous donation than as a direct gift. If there is not enough money in the DHS clothing allowance, there are other sources of support available. Just call your Case Supervisor for more suggestions.

—Libby Colman, Ph.D.