Love and Sex

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Sixty percent of all teenagers in California are sexually active and, technically, all of them are breaking the law.

Yes, it is against the law in California for minors to have sex, or for anyone over 18 to have sex with a minor unless they are married to him or her. Therefore, even if minors are in love and are choosing to be sexual together, the act is legally considered to be rape. It is legally impossible for a minor to consent to sexual intercourse.

If an adult who engages in sexual intercourse with a minor is less than three years older than the partner (or victim), it is considered a misdemeanor. If the perpetrator is more than three years older than the minor, he or she could be found guilty of a felony-misdemeanor and could go to jail or prison. If the perpetrator is over 21 and the victim under 16, the perpetrator could go to state prison for two to four years. A person found guilty of "lewd or lascivious acts" with a child under the age of 14 could go to prison for up to eight years. The case is prosecuted more vigorously if the perpetrator is more than 10 years older than the minor.

Implications for a CASA

What does this mean for you if you know that your minor is sexually active? You must have three concerns: 1) to fulfill your obligations as a mandated reporter; 2) to help your minor learn to protect himself or herself from unwanted consequences of sexual activity; and 3) to support your minor in establishing healthy and reciprocal relationships, with or without sexual activity.

Your Role as Mandated Reporter

If you feel that your minor is being abused or exploited in a sexual relationship, you must report your concern to the Child Abuse Hot Line. The worker who takes your call may or may not feel that the situation merits investigation. Your report will be kept confidential, so you will be able to decide how much to reveal to your minor about reporting.

If your minor has been raped, call the Rape Crisis Hot Line for help. She or he may qualify for victim's assistance and be able to receive meaningful therapy, which will help develop a more mature sense of self-regard and personal control over sexuality.

The parents of a minor can file a complaint against a particular person. Such complaints are more likely to be prosecuted if the minor involved is under 14.

Unwanted Consequences of Sexual Behavior

The obvious consequences of sexual activity are pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and HIV infection. All three can be avoided by practicing safe sex, short of abstention. Your teen has probably been told this many times, yet young people continue to get pregnant, to acquire STDs such as syphilis, gonorrhea, and herpes, and to becomes HIV positive. In fact, young people of color (particularly African Americans) and women generally are the groups among whom HIV is spreading most rapidly in America.

Teens and Sex

Teenagers in general are impulsive, rebellious, and oblivious to consequences. Kids who have been abused or neglected are even more prone to these characteristics. In addition, most of them are hungry for love and attention. Many learned in childhood that sex is love and so are particularly vulnerable to sexual predators. Such a youth may not feel exploited even when there is an imbalance of power in a sexual relationship.

A young woman may yearn to be the object of a man's sexual desires. She may also want to have a baby who will love her above all others. A young man may seek to impregnate a young woman as proof of his virility.

Alcohol and drugs further blur judgment, lower inhibitions, and make a person oblivious to consequences. If your teen is drinking or doing drugs, he or she is at greater risk for the negative consequences of sexual activity.

Reciprocal Relationships

Was your first sexual experience in a mature relationship with a partner who respected and adored you as much as you respected and adored him or her? Probably not.

We learn about relationships the same way that we learn about sex: through experimentation. The teen years ought to be a time for taking risks and making mistakes. Unfortunately, the consequences of sexual experimentation can be irreversibly damaging.

For some teens, sex is great fun. They want to do it and ignore the consequences. For others, sex is deeply linked to emotional needs but not physically pleasurable. Some feel ashamed or even debased or abused afterwards. This is hard to talk about in a culture that emphasizes erotic behavior along with exalted notions of love and romance.

What Can You Do

There is no one approach for a CASA Volunteer to take with a minor. You must be sensitive to the meaning of sex in his or her life and have a safe and trusting relationship with him or her before you can have a constructive dialogue on the subject.

Discuss your situation with your Case Supervisor. You may decide that you can take your teen to a health care agency for sex education and also be a confidant in matters of the heart. Alternatively, you might decide to refer the youth elsewhere for help so that you don't get in over your head on an issue with which you are not comfortable.

If you want to talk with your teen about sex, discuss it first with your Case Supervisor and become as knowledgeable as possible about safe sex, STDs, and, especially, HIV and AIDS.

Whatever you decide, the truth is that you are helping your minor simply by being in his or her life as long as you are non-judgmental, honest, and caring. When a youth learns how to relate well in a non-sexual relationship, he or she is learning to develop healthy and happy relationships of all kinds.

—Libby Colman, Ph.D.