Getting Past Disappointments

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Whether you knew it or not, when you chose to become a CASA volunteer, you chose to look straight into the face of the most painful truths of our society. The child to whom you are assigned did not choose the circumstances of his life, but he is shaped by the bad things that have happened to him, as well as by any love and care that have come his way.

You may come to your assignment with a sincere belief that unconditional love can heal all the wounds of the human heart. On the most profound levels, this may be so. I tend to believe that it is. But your work as a CASA volunteer is unlikely to take place at those deepest levels of soul. Your assignment is to read fat files, interview over-worked social workers and educators, and get to know highly stressed and chaotic families in their own environment.

What were your expectations when you started as a CASA? Did you hope "to make a difference"? To make things better for an unfortunate child? To have an impact on society? Did you think some earnest youngster was going to see you as a role model, a trustworthy adult, even a guide to a better world?

Once you get a case, you discover that things are much more complicated than you imagined. You may be assigned to an infant whose mom successfully completes reunification requirements and then you realize that even when she's clean and sober, you are not sure that she can be a good enough parent. Or you are assigned to a severely disturbed 8-year-old in residential treatment who won't even speak to you when you visit, and yet the staff tells you that he gets really excited when he knows you are coming. Or your child is a beautiful 12-year-old girl who seems as sweet as can be, but her record describes outbursts so violent that her caregivers fear for their lives. Or perhaps, most challenging of all, you may be assigned to a teenager who seems reasonably intelligent, but who reads and writes at a third or fourth grade level and hasn't attended school for months.

What can one person do to mitigate problems as large as these? You cannot turn back the clock and prevent the fetal exposure to cocaine. You cannot prevent a paranoid parent from blaming her problems on others. You cannot force a worried child to stop thinking about her parents to concentrate on school work. And you cannot convince a 14-year-old who is without hope that it does not make any sense to bring another baby into the world.

Even though you cannot single-handedly prevent tragedies or cure major problems, you can and do make a difference as a CASA when you speak up for a child in court. Even if you do not have a close relationship with anyone involved in your client child's case, you can tell the truth as clearly and as non-judgmentally as possible.

Your job is to observe and then articulate the circumstances of a child's life. You identify needs and advocate for services. But you do not "rescue." Every child is deeply attached to the people who have cared for him. A child who has been neglected yearns even more passionately for his family than one who has been well-nurtured. Remember the lines of John Lennon's song, "Mother, you had me, but I never had you." Lennon was still working on the emotional power of that reality when he was in his 30's. Think how much more powerfully a teenage girl must yearn for her inconstant, unpredictable, crack-addicted mom, who is in the neighborhood and professes love, but who can never be counted on. And then the girl discovers that she can create the good mother of her dreams by getting pregnant herself. Every fantasy, every dream, every wish is invested in that unborn child, but, even more, in the unconditional love that the girl believes will flow from her when she is a mom herself.

On Wednesday, February 25, 1998, we had our first "Advanced Training" sponsored jointly by Marin CASA and SFCASA and held at the San Francisco Child Abuse Council. The session was well attended by experienced CASAs from both counties plus two from Napa. The topic was "Getting Past Disappointments and Unmet Expectations." From the excellent turn-out, it is clear that this is a real issue for CASA volunteers everywhere.

There are no simple solutions to the problems that CASA volunteers face with their families. The only way to get past disappointment and a feeling that you are not right for the case, or not good enough, or inadequate, is to step back and adjust your expectation. Come to in-service training and support groups for help. You are not alone.

—Libby Colman, Ph.D.